Walking in Her Shoes

When you walk into a networking meeting, it is neither typical nor expected to find people admitting their fears openly and honestly in front of others. Being vulnerable in public, especially in business settings can be risky, yet revealing a bit of emotion and vulnerability has the power to forge deeper connections. Is it worth the risk?

Last Wednesday morning, I smiled as Jan Litterst facilitated an exercise with the participants of the woman’s networking group I founded. It was a mixture of regulars and a few new people. The discussion was about money and earning what you are worth. Every woman in the room was asked to comment on whether her feelings about money were mostly love or fear. Many women expressed fear. Emotions were evident as their situations were elaborated. As each dared to say what was heavy on her mind, I saw others nod and acknowledge what was said. Everyone participated, taking their turn to express their emotions about money.

After the meeting, many women approached me to say that they enjoyed this exercise and realized that although fear had isolated them, they now know that they are not alone and felt accepted by the group for what they expressed. Some deeper connections were made. That discovery was the reason for my smile.

Each of us carries our own history and private range of experiences. How dare I even try to guess what it is like to walk in another’s shoes? Immediately after the networking event, I reached out to someone who had missed the breakfast wondering if they were okay. Turns out she wasn’t. She had decided not to attend because she had been experiencing depression and could barely face getting out of bed. The topic was especially hard for her. It’s unfortunate that she missed that meeting because it would have helped her realize that she is not alone. I successfully urged her to have lunch with me that day and think it made a difference.

The next day found me sharing lunch with a friend who’s coping with a suicidal and violent son. It is hard to imagine what she is living through. It was good to be there for her and to see her relax and smile as we enjoyed a long lunch. She had a chance to share the story of what she’s been through. I am in awe of her strength.

As the week progressed, the death of a dear friend’s son after a long illness reminded me of how painful it must be to lose a close family member. I wonder how to support her. Is there anything a friend can do to understand? I responded to her email immediately and spread word via social media so that others could rally their prayers and caring words in her direction. I hope it helped. She has shared how she feels and seems to be handling things with unbelievable grace. I’m not quite sure how she does it. She knows I am here for her.

Being curious and open to what others are going through is consciousness. That’s what friends do. We must be careful not to judge what they need to do next – only they can know.

If you don’t know how to respond, ask God to handle the situation for the highest and best. Rather than saying you know how they feel, be fully present and ask them to tell you.
Just being there does help. Remember to listen!