Today’s daily affirmation on my Louis Hay calendar reads as follows:
“I release the need to criticize. I love, accept and approve of myself and others.”
Criticism is a form of judgement and usually contains some sort of negative feedback about undesireable behavior, thoughts, ideas or actions. Some of the nastinest criticism comes from within our own minds, directed at ourselves. We somehow feel the need to pick ourselves apart as lacking , inadequate, ugly, stupid or unvaluable. I’ve done it to myself and I imagine you have done it too. We are our own worst critics because we really know our weaknesses better than anyone else.
There’s also criticism of others – placing judgement on their actions, intentions or words. There’s sure enough of it circulating in our media, especially in this election year. Our schools and universities judge, criticize and label students. Parents are expected to guide their children through criticism. Blogging itself is often full of criticism. We may treat our pets and strangers better than we treat important people in our lives. Is this our ego mind getting the best of us?
Expressing opinions is fine, but when it smacks with the finality of a negative judgement it hurts big time.
In my role as a coach, I am human and I know I have an ego that surfaces from time to time. At least I am getting better at catching it in the present moment. I must constantly remind myself that people seek out my help often because their own internal critic has brought them to a point where they see a need for change. My role in the intervention is not to judge or criticize, but to listen, witness their pain and accept them as they are. The opposite of criticism is acceptance. Acceptance is a position of strength and the force that allows for positive change.
One of the most valuable points I learned as I trained to be a coach was to acknowlege that all of us are doing the best we can given our limitations, experience, pain and beliefs. It is helpful to consider that fears often move people into actions and words that are unkind, thoughtless or unhealthy. The exact behavior that is ripe for criticism, so that the cycle of fear is perpetuated!
To accept and love someone who is afraid, depressed or in a state of “lack” is a true act of compassion. Many of “low energy” ones are the hardest ones to love. Sometimes the safest thing to do is to love and accept them from a distance. The change is up to them, not me or you. We can only be there to witness and accept them – fear and all.
Love them
Accept them
Witness the pain
Choose to send peace to all involved, including yourself
