Let me begin by thanking all of you for your prayers, cards and personal messages. It was with mixed feelings that I chose to share the news about my husband’s brother Michael Muller’s sudden passing in my newsletter and social media posts. My husband is a very private person. After hitting that SEND key, I was overcome with a sense of dread. I worried that he felt I had betrayed him. I did it because I wanted him to have those loving connections there from near and far.
Michael and I were not close. He was a complicated person and because he lived on Long Island, we didn’t have many occasions to visit with him. At his best, Mike was a gifted artist, nature boy and photographer. He blessed us with many beautiful ink drawings and framed photos over the years. Michael was also an epic partier who probably saw the Rolling Stones live in concert more than anyone on earth. In spite of his party side, he held a steady job. His antics were entertaining and dramatic. Even after his death, his friends continue to share more funny stories, giving us healing belly laughs.
At his worst, Michael could come across as mean, selfish and insensitive to the needs of others. I found myself triggered by his loud opinions and the energy put into arguing about things that were far from truth. His drinking brought out his dark side and cost him relationships. He never married or had children. Some might say that like Peter Pan, Mike never grew up. There was no note at the end and that perhaps was his final act of selfishness that has caused so much anguish. Suicide has touched too many families and it is so cruel to the living.
Last Tuesday morning when I posted the request for prayers, many conflicting thoughts were on my mind. I was stunned by the news, so sad for my husband and his family and friends in NY, and stressing to leave that day for a 6-day work/fun trip George and I had been looking forward to. Feeling guilty about choosing to go to Halifax alone instead of supporting George in NY, I had a tearful meltdown as I drove to the airport, then discovered I had accidently taken George’s passport instead of mine. More stress as I rushed back home to switch them out, then a long trip alone. Many more moments of guilt haunted me throughout the week.
Halifax proved to be a blessing. It gave me something healthy and productive to occupy my time and attention. Lots of EFT tapping goes on at these Energy Psychology conferences and I took full advantage of it. Qi Gong sessions every morning provided a huge boost too. The unexpected blessing was Halifax itself, a city with rich history that has many stories of death, grief and loss. It felt as though I was marinating in these themes throughout my visit to process my own feelings. The water and natural beauty of this place also served as healing balm.
What are the key lessons worth sharing?
- Honor grief by giving each person space to process their feelings
- Stay connected as you support others with prayers and love. Cards, calls, emails and messages are awesome.
- Surround yourself with a support system. Choose positive activities, spend time in nature, cuddle a pet, find someone to talk to and engage in healthy self-care routines like EFT.
- Express those feelings. Sing, write, draw, paint, play, dance, talk and cry. Tapping while you express or tell stories can be especially helpful. Expression takes many forms. You probably already know what works for you.
- Find something to appreciate and express thanks liberally. It truly lifts your spirit and health.
- Give yourself time. Your feelings are a result of powerful connections. Those connections are still there, even though the form has changed. Be patient. Grief is a natural part of life.
Maybe you would like to join me to share emotional support? I’ll be holding Group EFT Practice workshops tomorrow in Medina (Wednesday 9/21) and next week (Wednesday 9/28 in Westlake). Both are 7-8:30 pm and if you or someone you love is in need of an emotional boost, I’d love to have you there. You can find registration information on the Create and Connect Brilliantly Facebook page. If money is a challenge, just message me and we can discuss a love offering that fits your budget. I know the tapping tomorrow will help me feel better. It would be wonderful to have some Facebook friends there too.
