Day 31 Post Surgery – Comparing Left and Right
Yesterday something incredible happened. The full moon must have had something to do with it! I thought I was going in to get a new cast on this ankle for the next 2 weeks, but the doctor came in and gave me the best news I could imagine – I could choose a removable boot instead of another cast. Of course I wanted the boot!
Instead of enjoying the moment, I immediately found my mind worrying about lots of things. Do I wear the boot in the shower? Does it need to stay on all night? Can I massage my foot or move it?
The doctor emphasized that I need to wear the boot most of the time. I can take my bare foot in the shower, but should not stretch or put any weight on it yet. He warned that my x-ray showed incomplete healing of the bone. Somehow I had been under the impression that my healing was mostly tendons & ligaments. Learning for the first time that my bone was significantly cut as part of the procedure, I’m suddenly shifting my attention to the bone. Doctor makes me promise to be extremely careful. I take his warnings very seriously.
The ride home and rest of the day was generally quite happy. The new boot is much more comfortable than a cast. At bedtime the boot accompanies me to bed as instructed. I find myself tossing, feeling new pain and remaining awake for a good portion of the night. How could this be happening?
In the morning shower time brought new discomfort. I am terrified to bring my uncovered foot into the shower, even though the doctor says it’s fine to get it wet. The bare foot is just too vulnerable. Afraid I’ll bump it or fall, I end up washing my hair with my booted leg positioned outside the shower door. All very uncomfortable and probably less safe than just sitting normally in the shower on the sturdy safety bench that has served me well so far.
After breakfast, I dedicate time to journaling my thoughts in an effort to inspire the right EFT tapping treatment. My fear of showering measures a big 9/10 for the vulnerable state of my ankle when not protected by the boot. Realizing I eventually need to just get past this AND stay safe, I start tapping on the vulnerability, fear of falling, worry about putting weight on it and bumping it. Several rounds got me more centered, but then the deeper issue emerged. I began to be aware of a big disconnect between my new ankle and the rest of me. Previously walled off by the cast, I needed to take time to love it, accept the state it was in, appreciate the healing progress and reconnect with it. As I admitted and stated all of these things, a huge rush of tears came pouring from me as I welcomed it home. My worry about showering with a bare foot diminished to a 0.
My connection with the foot is now a 10 and it’s time to celebrate a new phase of my healing. I call and make dinner reservations for my first night out in 5 full weeks. Hurray for this new day of progress and healing.
